Manage me, I'm a mess

You were the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me, but you were definitely the worst thing that’s ever happened to me too. I gave you my all, every inch of my heart. I waited for you and I was there when you needed me the most. I dealt with your complaints, your faults, and most of all the pain you caused me. This isn’t a one way street either, I’m not fucking innocent. I put you to hell and back with my depression, with my lashing out and being done and crawling back. It’s exhausting, we did it to eachother.

That’s what love is though, everything starts out all peachy and simple. The more you grow, the more you learn, and the more difficulties rise to the top. I would have changed a lot of things and “events” that played out within the last year… But I can’t. It is what it is, and that’s just the end of it. 

You played me like a fool and I never questioned loving you and that’s just sad. I mean, you learn things from loving the people you do … This time I learned that I’m never a second choice and I deserve to be number one. I deserve to give someone my all, linger around and wait for them just so they’ll do the same for me. I’m not a door mat…

Yesterday broke my heart.. It absolutely fucking broke my heart. I have never seen such anger, jealousy, hate and fucking disgust in somebody’s eyes until I saw her look at me. Then I knew that was it… You have to go, you have to go and be with her and fucking make her happy and let her do the same for you. Because that’s what you ended up with, and I’m happy for that. 

I just want you to know… I’m both happy and sad. 

Every indicator pointed to the fact that this just wouldn’t work.

I could hold a lot of fucking anger towards this situation but I’m not.
This isn’t anybody’s fault.
This is just life, it’s how it goes…